Twelve Days of OGBmas: The (Very, Very Late) End

Three days late and three dollars short, OGBmas comes to an end.

So how was everybody’s separate Christmases? Probably better than mine, since I spent it with a bad case of the flu. I’m not just talking about a normal bug either; this was a “kick your ass for the next 24 hours” kind of flu, where you’re essentially wrenching  and dry heaving by the end of it. I missed Christmas dinner at my Grandmother’s house, but the miracle of FaceTime helped me to at least make an appearance via IPhone to say hi to Merry Christmas to my Mom’s side of the family (my dad’s side had come to my parent’s house for Christmas Eve).

The Next two days I simply avoided this post, mostly thanks to work, going to see Rogue One and playing Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask.  I had planned on a six-day supplemental series relating all post towards Kwanza, but I kind of missed any opportunity for that.

I don’t really have anything else to say or give you, so I’ll leave you with this:

happyholidays

Twelve Days of OGBmas: Christmas at Ground Zero

So here I was, trying to figure out the what to post for this day of OGBmas, when I remembered this little gem from our soon-to-be POTUS, the Narcissistic Orange:

 

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Revealing that he is Satan himself would be less frightening

Ah, a  call for nuclear proliferation. Nothing says Christmas cheer like a future leader of your country doesn’t understand that the planet’s got enough of the damn things to kill the human race several times over.

 

Throughout this season, I’ve tried to let the whole mess that is American politics in 2016 not get me down too much. Now, I’m coming more and more to the conclusion that save for Fearless Dumbass getting impeached, we’re not going to see Christmas 2017, let alone survive to 2020.

But, not to leave thing on a completely negative note, I give to you some words of comfort from the great Tom Lehrer.

Twelve Days of OGBmas: Last Minute Action

And now, in my quest to give you content for before the holidays really take up my attention, I’d like t give my dear fans (all 1/2 of you) a little gift: a list of possible things you could get the action junkie in your life. To make is easy, I’ll limit it to films you can more than likely find in a Best Buy or Wal-Mart. So enough of this introductory jibber jabber, let’s get crackin’.

the-raid      First, let’s start with something familiar. You remember my review of The Raid 2? If you do, you hopefully bought and bought copies for at least three friends. If not, thin about getting them The Raid: Redemption (aka The Raid: Subtitle That Makes No Sense). If you’ve got people who crave a little more hard-hitting brutality in their action films, look no further than this Gareth Evans masterpiece. Plus, it stars the guys from Kanjiclub for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Find it, buy it, and bug J.J. Abrams to give Evans as much money as he needs to make The Raids 3 and any other movie Evans wants to make for the rest of his life.

 

If you can’t find that, Dredd Dredd.pngshould work as a damn good stocking stuffer. It has a similar set up to The Raid (i.e. cops trapped in a slum where practically everyone is trying to kill them), but it does enough different (and the films produced so close to each other)that I don’t have to call it a ripoff. The action is vibrant and memorable , and the characters are actually stronger than its Indonesian cousin. Karl Urban is the perfect Judge Dredd throughout, Olivia Thirlby is a compelling rookie Judge Anderson, and Lean Headey is perfectly vicious as Ma-Ma. Pick this up now and rage against the fact that we’re probably never getting a Dredd 2.

Way of the Dragon.jpgAKA, The One Where Bruce Lee Kills Chuck Norris. Really, you could more than likely get any movie starring the Dragon and you’d make the action junkie in you life happy, but I’m recommending The Way of the Dragon because it’s the only one I’ve seen in full. Written and directed by Lee, the entire film sometimes feels like it’s an excuse for Bruce and his entourage to vacation in Rome for a week or two. But the story is halfway solid and the action, when it gets going, is….oh come on, it’s Bruce Lee for God’s sake! Of course you’d love to see it! Plus, it has Lee killing Chuck Norris. Who doesn’t want to see that?

Okay, I promise, no more o the list post for OGBmas. Unless I get really busy.

Twelve Days of OGBmas: Blow Your Mind

This Christmas season, give yourself one of the greatest gifts of all….

 

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Nothing says the Happy Holidays like a Roaring Rampage of Revenge!

 

…a viewing of Death Promise.

No, seriously. Watch this movie right now. Even unriffed, it is a thing of cheap beauty; an exploitation film trying to tick all the boxes of what was popular in the drive-in during those long ago lost years of the mid to late ’70s,  and doing so without even the slightest hint that they know a thing about filmmaking. That the action scenes are halfway competent and the actors  do the best job they can (which isn’t saying much) really give this thing a king of charm. Yes, I know it has a Rifftrax (which I will be getting soon) but please see this unriffed first. As the theme songs goes, it’s gonna blow your mind.

P.S. Does anyone know who did the poster? It looks like Neal Adams drew it.

Twelve Days of OGBmas: Impossible Christmas List Addendum

You know, one of these day’s I’m going to have to get into the Play Arts Kai line. The figures they make can only be described over-designed, busy works of art. I mean look at Bushido Batman here.

batmnpakIt’s Batman! As a samurai! How bloody cool is that! too bad the price point makes it too rich for my blood.

Price: $199.99 ( Big Bad Toy Store) $149.99 (MH Toyshop)

 

 

Twelve Days of OGBmas: Here We Come A Wrasslin’

Hey, do you remember that time Miz was WWE Champion?

miz-champion

It was AAAAAAAAAaalright

Well I do, because he became champ around the same time I started watching wrestling on a regular basis. And  I have always remembered one segment on Raw back when he was holding the most prestigious title in wrestling sports entertainment.

It all started innocently enough. The Miz was coming out on the Raw after TLC 2010 to address the masses. He was working the crowd getting some decent heel heat, when….

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Urge to watch, falling….

The image you see above is Alex Riley, Michael Mizanin’s then sidekick. He came out calling himself the Ghost of Christmas Past (despite being dressed as Jacob Marley), and went on to castigate Miz over his actions three weeks earlier, during his first title defense. You see, The Miz used his belt to knock down Jerry The King Lawler, a wrestling legend and then sixty-one year old man, for the title. Yes, they had Miz go up against a guy old enough to be his father during his first ever title defense. As you can see, WWE had some incredible faith in the guy.

But after the clip and Miz smugly bragging about his victory over a guy eligible for AARP membership, Michael Cole comes out.

Mismas Carol 1.png

…Falling…

He’s the ghost of Christmas Present (one who dresses like Scrooge, to further compound the costume/character discrepancy) and proceeds to be one of the most annoying things in early ’10s WWE. Had it all ended there, this opening segment would have been annoying,but bearable.

And then….

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….And we’ve hit rock bottom. How did I keep watching WWE back then?

Look, during Miz’s title win, a camera cut to a little kid looking incredibly pissed about it. The image became a meme, and WWE creative got wind of it, and decided to rip off Conan O’Brien’s Clutch Cargo bits.It all ends with the Miz doing his catchphrase of “I’m AAAAAAAAAAwesome!” and it’s done.

Watching this again, after all the years ans seeing the Miz evolve his character, I can only say WWE should be glad they don’t have any serious competition anymore. Watch it here if you feel like annoying yourself.

Twelve Days of OGBmas: Holly Jolly Homicidal Maniac

Hey, do you or a loved one like Batman: The Animated Series ? Do you want to own a figurine that looks only slightly less creepy than the Elf on the Shelf?  Then wait no more!

 

 

Behold, the Joker as he was depicted in the B:TAS episode “Christmas with the Joker”! Thrill at its bone white face, beady eyes, and toothy grin worthy of a great white shark. Add the red sweater-over-green sweater combo, and you have the perfect festive plaything for your children to re-enact their favorite yuletide kidnappings and attempted murders.

Only $23.99! (plus shipping and handling)

 

Twelve Days of OGBmas: A Question That Needs To Be Asked

Okay, why has there never been a proper Dragon Ball Christmas episode?

 

dragon-ball-christmas

This picture is the only thing I’ve seen that’s even vaguely Christmas related and can be reasonably sure that it was drawn by Toriyama.

 

Seriously, outside of the Christmas Tree of Might, I don’t think I’ve ever even heard of a yuletide entry to this series. It’s not like there aren’t any Christmas related episodes of anime, and early Dragon Ball even had a Traffic Safety Special, so why was nothing made to coincide with the season to be jolly?

Look, it was a long day at work and I can’t think of anything else to write that I have the energy for.

Twelve Days of OGBmas: The Impossible Christmas List

Ah, toys. who hasn’t at one point in life played with or dreamed of playing with the hottest things on shelves? No one with regular access to the internet, I bet. Even now, when I probably should have outgrown them, I still have an affection for action figures, model kits and other plastic playthings. So let’s go down a list of items that, unless you’ve got relatives that are Bruce Wayne rich and really feel like spoiling you, you’d never actually receive. Welcome to The Impossible Christmas List!

First up, let’s go with something recent: Play Arts Kai Cloud Strife

cloudpakI’ve never played Final Fantasy VII, mostly because mine was a Nintendo household until I got my PS3 in 2012. But I understand its importance to a lot of people and why, twenty years after it’s release, it’s getting a remake (Release Date: TBA). But there is no way in hell you’re getting this thing, based off Cloud’s design for said remake. Even if you did, the thing wouldn’t be in your hands until June.

Price: $149.99 (Big Bad Toy Store)

Next, let’s go to something relatively more known: Iron Man and Captain America

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Specifically, the S.H. Figuarts Captain America/Iron Man Two-Pack. The Marvel Cinematic Universe is a license to print money at this point, and there are literally hundreds of thousands of kids and unrepentant nerds who’d love these high-end action figures. Sadly, they’re priced at the “this is for only the most hardcore/insane fanboys who don’t care about the expense” range, so I’d say never ask for this.

Price: $199.99

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   Now, let’s say you’re a humongous fan of the Transformers. You’ve been collecting them since the ’80’s, and have a love for the G1 cast most of all. Even you might be taken aback by the price of the MAS-01 Optimus Prime 18-Inch Action Figure. While it’s not art of the Transformers Masterpiece series, it certainly matches up with the usual price point of those figures.

Speaking of, the Masterpiece line has its own expensive as hell noble leader of the Autobots. While it’s less expensive than the MAS-01 and gives you more bang for you buck with all the accessories it comes with, I dare anyone to actually ask somebody to get it for them.

MAS-01 Price: $179.99    Masterpiece Price: $159.99

batman-hot-toysAnd we shall end this installment on the dark knight, that jolliest of crazed, uber-rich vigilantes. The set you see here is the Hot Toys Movie Masterpiece Batman Armory set. It comes with the Batsuit, Bruce, Alfred, an assortment of hands and the various gadgets the Batman used in Nolan’s trilogy. It is also one of the most expensive things I’ve ever seen in the action figure market, either online or in stores. If you ever find yourself asking for this for a Christmas, simply smack yourself in the face and apologize to your loved ones.

Price: $574.99 

And that’ll do for the Impossible Christmas List! for now. See you all later with…something else I assure you.